Can you believe that so much time has passed since I last wrote in my draft? Here it is already May. And you know what May brings. Flowers! Oh! that's right. I just wrote an email to MRS telling her about the movie Book of Ruth and how I felt about it. It was really quite traumatic. I cannot believe how truly unaware we are of our behavior toward people. Must be my high order, or personal approval stuff. I know exactly when I have been kind or otherwise to someone. Mostly this movie was all about "broken" people. Wow the stuff we do to ourselves and others. The pain we inflict, the love we pars out as tho it were some kind of rare gem too beautiful or too valuable to give to someone. Am I mean? I'm not sure I'm not around people enough to really know. I've discovered that if I want to "know" then I have to practice it. (Being around other people. Apparently Ruiz thinks it's important, otherwise how does one know if they are practicing the Four Agreements) And I hesitate on account of how tough it is to interact without being a total fool. I remember Warren saying that I had a hard time being around Lei and Bobbie cuz I was out of practice. Truer words were never said. You know in theory it makes alot of sense and in practice? Well in the Book of Ruth I wanted to shake some sense into all the characters to point out to them there might be another way to treat others and not continually slash and stab because they are living in their hellish lives. Taking it out on other people. I remember feeling like this in the past. What did I do about it? Absolutely nothing. I did not fault Ruth for not speaking up, as the book says they did not learn how to speak up and had a paucity of vocabulary. Wow I know that I drive people nuts sometimes with my vocabulary. Am I too aware sometimes of what people are thinking and their motives for their vocabulary? I guess I don't just mean any people but specific people. I try so hard to turn off that Book of Law and am I a failure? Sometimes it's easier to just shut up. But I'm only kidding myself. I don't know how to shut up. I love how writers are able to reach right into my brain and say something either in a song or a book. How'd they kinow that anyway? Unless it is a universal truth. Ah yes truth. Will close for now.