Role Playing Games

I was blogging on the last post and remembered the value I received from Role Playing Games (RPG). I wanted to write about it before forgetting it again. I played my first RPG during the last half of 1992. Prior to finding the game, I had not used the computer for more than Windows, Excel, Word, RBase, Peachtree accounting, Tvalue, Assetkeeper, Forms Maker, and Calendar. I could not install software or do anthing more than turn on the computer. I was just an end-user and had no intention of ever being anything else. After all, I had a computer-guy to handle all my company's computer related issues (backups, formatting, etc.).

After my accident, Dr. Frank believed that computer activities would help create new pathways and perhaps repair some of the old ones. He wanted me to play whatever games I could find...especially those games which might require some multi-level thinking or multi-tasking. I was playing an assortment of concentration or memory kinds of games. However, my boredom level was pretty high after hundreds of replays.

Then I saw Might & Magic Clouds of Xeen in the store. I bought it and was so hooked! I created my first party and went off to explore the country-side. My party was walking down the read and we got attacked. There were a bunch of monsters in front and they were bashing my 6 heroes! I could tell they were getting hurt because I saw the damage being inflicted. I panicked. I clicked on everything. I tried all the buttons! Nothing. I was helpless against the monsters' onslaught. Occasionally, I would click on the right thing and was able to inflict some damage. However, due to the stress of the moment, I could not remember what it was that I did. One-by-one, my characters died. I had started wit six happy faces on the bottom of my screen. At the end of the battle, I was looking at six dead faces. I was crushed! I shut down the computer and slowly went to my car. My heart was beating so hard, it hurt. I was almost shell-shocked. It had been such a frightening experience. I had never felt so helpless and defenseless.

All my life I have avoided serious confrontations. What I had just gone through epitomized my worst fears! Being helpless, unable to defend myself, just bashed around until death was a welcomed release....

HUH? When I got home, I said "Wait a sec, this is a game. You get to replay! Unlike life, you get as many tries as you like!"

Wow...200+ games later, I have that game locked! I can play it with my eyes closed. I love that game. I have played so many times and have tried all the possible variations that nothing can beat me. Of course, this says a lot about my approach to life. Do I over prepare? Not sure since I have not prepared for much these last 10 years. I know that when I worked, I would do almost anything to avoid being incompetent. Now, I don't feel I need to defend myself. The past 10 years has shown me that there are more important things than being the best. Anyway, RPGs have added a new dimension to my life. I suspect I would have not opened up in this area without my intense RPG experience.

Of course, I do know it is a game...but defeating all the bad monsters and saving the world definitely has its appeal.

A side benefit: Confrontations are still avoided, but the avoidance is no longer anchored in place by fear. I still feel that confrontations are messy things and words can be spoken in anger that can never be taken back. But, gone is the gut wrenching avoidance of the past. I can now sometimes see that a good fight can clear the air.