Missing in action-

Remember May 23, 2005. It is the day I lost the tooth I have worked so hard over the years to keep from being extracted. But, alas, extracted it was. Painful? You bet? Did I have an alternative to extraction? Apparently not. And that is where the sadness lies. I was scolded for not having regular hygiene work done. But you know what? I really don't think my gums would have done any better than this inevitable crisis.....OK I did delay, and I was not given enough information, but I still delayed. I acccept my responsibility in the loss, and it ain't over yet. ZOWIE dow, not looking forward to more holes in my head. Heh! How sad, so sad it's a sad, sad situation.....

And as for the dental assistant. Keep your opinions to yourself. OK? I can beat myself up better than you. So there I said it.....

Can you believe that so much time has passed since I last wrote in my draft? Here it is already May. And you know what May brings. Flowers! Oh! that's right. I just wrote an email to MRS telling her about the movie Book of Ruth and how I felt about it. It was really quite traumatic. I cannot believe how truly unaware we are of our behavior toward people. Must be my high order, or personal approval stuff. I know exactly when I have been kind or otherwise to someone. Mostly this movie was all about "broken" people. Wow the stuff we do to ourselves and others. The pain we inflict, the love we pars out as tho it were some kind of rare gem too beautiful or too valuable to give to someone. Am I mean? I'm not sure I'm not around people enough to really know. I've discovered that if I want to "know" then I have to practice it. (Being around other people. Apparently Ruiz thinks it's important, otherwise how does one know if they are practicing the Four Agreements) And I hesitate on account of how tough it is to interact without being a total fool. I remember Warren saying that I had a hard time being around Lei and Bobbie cuz I was out of practice. Truer words were never said. You know in theory it makes alot of sense and in practice? Well in the Book of Ruth I wanted to shake some sense into all the characters to point out to them there might be another way to treat others and not continually slash and stab because they are living in their hellish lives. Taking it out on other people. I remember feeling like this in the past. What did I do about it? Absolutely nothing. I did not fault Ruth for not speaking up, as the book says they did not learn how to speak up and had a paucity of vocabulary. Wow I know that I drive people nuts sometimes with my vocabulary. Am I too aware sometimes of what people are thinking and their motives for their vocabulary? I guess I don't just mean any people but specific people. I try so hard to turn off that Book of Law and am I a failure? Sometimes it's easier to just shut up. But I'm only kidding myself. I don't know how to shut up. I love how writers are able to reach right into my brain and say something either in a song or a book. How'd they kinow that anyway? Unless it is a universal truth. Ah yes truth. Will close for now.

I've changed the name of this blog from My first attempt, to Brain Drain Pan (it sounded funny) and will now see how I feel about I. Am, don't forget to notice the dot. :-)

How am I feeling today one might ask....just got thru watching "Starting Over"....what a hokey graduation Layne had to endure. I'll have to think about the symbolism of it all....when she kissed her own hand, it occured to me that she might have been given a symbol that best represented her stay in the starting over house and used it. It looked weird and it felt weird. And Tess has now been asked to leave the starting over house. Despite all my frustrations watching her in the last few weeks, I must admit I did feel sorry for her. I really hope the "show" provided a means for her to have some kind of closure and more psychotherapy. Why couldn't she get it. What was she unable to integrate into her behavior. Did she really get a pay off for not graduating and holding on to all of her issues. Yep it was sad to watch her pack her belongings and not have her look up at the camera. And why did the show decide to follow her to the last moment of her getting into the limo. Did they want us to see something? Did they want her to see something? All along I kept thinking Tess was on the show not to resolve her life issues but to become a television star and the way she acted demonstrated to me that she might have felt "acting" out was good television.....Wrong! Tess. It's sad that she was not able to use all the talent in the life coaches and therapy sessions.
In fact this season seems odd. Some of the cast members on the show have deep wounds and seem to need more than the show can offer them. I'm certain there is criteria the show uses when they decide on whom to cast for the show, and it appears that the next season will have a different format. I do like this show. It really helps me get in touch with areas in my life I have forgotten to revisit, mostly out of self-preservation perhaps.

Majik the cat
I love my black short haired tabby. He's so cool. I really wish I knew why he finds being outdoors more exciting than sleeping indoors. How many years has it been since he came to us and we still haven't been able to totally convince him to stay inside til morning. Of course, we have not been able to litter box train him. Not like Ms. P who knew this little practice from the very beginning of her reign as the indoor kitty. Of course, she must have somehow found a cat-human dictionary and looked up the word nocturnal. It's been a bit of training to get her back into the house at night for the humans to get some sleep.

But let me get back to the sweetie boy. He's been trying so hard to get the approval of the "wickedqueen" but alas, to no avail. When he does stand up to her and I'm surprised when he decides to take a stand. I try not to take sides, but sometimes, it's hard not to take sides. Ms. P is so aloof, and hisses at every occasion at him. It's pretty clear she does not want him in her face. At those times when he is, she is rather pathetic and scurries into the safety of the house. She has always been well cared for and well fed. She really has not known "the street" per se. Unless we count the time she first appeared at the door step. Which I will always cherish cuz she was so cute. It's so funny how she still has that kitten face with this long body and very long tail.

When Majik appeared he had been hanging around the house for a few months, until he finally broke down and made himself known to the household. What a trusting thing for him to do. Now he is well cared for and well fed. He has filled out so much that when he lumbers up the walkway to have dinner his body swings from side to side.