3 Months to Live - What would I Do Differently?

During February 2003, I posted an answer to this question. I just reviewed my answer and was surprised at how differently I feel. Despite this change in feeling, there are still many things that remained the same. I am just going to list the things I would do if I knew my death would be in three months.

• Finalize my estate plan
• Make final care arrangements for my pets
• Give away as much personal property so that my Personal Representative not weighed down with "messy" details
• Shred all non-essential records
• Hire a professional Administrative Assistant (maybe will need two) to complete the books that I have in mind and help me with shutting down everything
• Visit with all my friends and family (have to decide whether to share my death knowledge)
• Prepare farewell letters and include my wishes and dreams for their futures

Why do I not feel a compelling need to complete more of my on-going projects? This time, my list feels more like "just cleaning house".

I went over my To Do list see why there was no need to complete them before my death. The To Do list presumes my life continues. It presumes I continue putting one foot in front of the other in the walk of life. With my death, the tasks become meaningless.

I want to have some vital projects (not many, though) that need to be finished before I die. Of course, I will always have a myriad of "busy work" (it is in my nature), but I need to focus on the goals that will really matter to me.

Perhaps I should revisit my Five Signature Strengths. I tried to link, but I guess the post is too old. I'll paste here and then edit out extraneous data:

Five Signature Strengths
These are my top 5 strengths according to the free online test maintained at the Dr. Martin E. Seligman site based on his book, Authentic Happiness. The descriptions are from the website.

The point is to try to use each strength on a daily basis in order to achieve true happiness. The challenge has been to incorporate these strengths into my daily life. I have not been doing a lot of thinking about these strengths. I am not sure where to go now.

This post has shown me that somewhere I have lost focus on what brings me true satisfaction and happiness.

1. Curiosity and Interest in the World

You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.

This is still true for me. But there's no real plan or purpose. My interests go all over the place and probably end up going nowhere. I tend to be interested in whatever I happen to be looking at at the moment. This lackadaisical attitude feels self-indulgent and purposeless.

2. Forgiveness & Mercy

You forgive those who have done you wrong. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is mercy and not revenge.

Wow, this strength has definitely not been a part of my life since 911! Gosh, I am stunned by the waves of anger I still feel about what happened in America. I have definitely been sinking into an "us against them" mentality.

This is my second highest score. Unbelievable. I cannot deal with this right now. Will have to let this one percolate for a while. Daily basis. I can feel myself resisting where this is leading.

3. Love of Learning

You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums - anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.

True. I feel I am more structured here. I tend to read books on certain topics. It is hard for me to be "flighty" when I am reading a 300+ page book on a specific topic. Of course, I usually read 3 or 4 books concurrently.

4. Zest, enthusiasm and Energy

Regardless of what you do, you approach it with excitement and energy. You never do anything half-way or half-heartedly. For you, life is an adventure.

True. I get totally involved with everything that I do. There are exceptions: accounting for more than an hour, tax return preparation for more than an hour, clearing out clutter for more than 30 minutes, organizing my computer files, clearing duplicate items, ...

I start out with these activities with the best of intentions, but get distracted by the most ridiculous items. The problem is that they do not feel ridiculous at the moment.

Obviously, I need to look harder at my true intentions. I wish my brain functioned in the pre-accident manner. It used to be so reliable; now it acts like it has a mind of its own!

5. Bravery and Valor

You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right, even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.

I do not feel I am satisfying this strength at all. Nothing I do on a daily basis requires this strength. Of course, I do try to live my life to the fullest even though my "hand" has changed drastically. Perhaps trying to find my way now takes a certain amount of courage.

I know I do not want to sit back and let life pass me by. I still believe I have a contribution to make. I am fearful of losing myself amidst my life's irrelevancies. One of the hardest areas of damage is my inability to prioritize my actions according to any long-term plan.

Well, after all of this, has my list of Things To Do before I die changed? Not really, However, I have a lot to think about. Maybe I should print the 5 Strengths on a card and carry it around with me...like a memory jogger. I would try to remember to view the card three times a day.

Just a thought.

I had another thought...Maybe I should go retake the test. Perhaps my scores will have changed. That should be interesting. I shall try to do that later today.

12/17/05

I just retook the test. I forgot how long the test was...more than 200 questions. My results surprised me. #1, #2 and #5 remained the same, but the scores were significantly stronger.

1. Curiosity and interest in the world

My scores for this strength were amazing. Apparently, my scores are as high or higher than 100 percent of the people taking the test. I guess this is definitely my number #1 signature strength.

2. Forgiveness and mercy

Surprisingly, these scores also got higher too. Ohhh, I get it now. I am not at all interested in getting revenge for 911. My feelings are associated with the need for a strong defense and the need to protect Americans. This is still a hard strength for me to understand. I shall re-read this section of the Authentic Strength book to see how to satisfy this strength on a daily basis..

3. Creativity, ingenuity and orginality

Thinking of news ways to do things is a crucial part of who you are. You are never content with doing something the conventional way if a better way is possible.

I have never considered myself as particularly inventive. I should probably ask other people for their opinion on this one. However, most of my friends are pretty nice and diplomatic. I can't image them telling me that they considered me to be unimaginative, mundane, routine.

I do not look for solutions just to be different. If it works, great! I want to move on to the next step...not worry about building a better mouse trap.

4. Hope, optimism and future-mindedness

You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.

This is really odd. I have never thought that the future was controllable. Of course, the future is determined by the sum of what we have done-to-date. I guess in that sense, we do control our futures.

5. Zest, enthusiasm and energy

This is still the same for me. I was surprised last time that it was not higher on the list. Again, the scores are significantly higher than the last time. It still dropped on the list (used to be the #4 strength).

The two strengths that dropped from my top five list are Love of Learning and Bravery and Valor.

It makes sense that Love of Learning dropped from the top five. After all, I have been reading hundreds of books for the past three years, absorbing as much information as possible. I feel like a water logged sponge. I now need to do something with what I have learned.

Bravery & Valor? Have I become more fearfull or have other strengths pushed this one to sideline? Actually, I am happy that I no longer have to go charging at windmills (gg)!