We had a fabulous dinner of Prime Rib and pasta. No veggies for us!

I've had to go downstairs a number of times because some $#%##@ around us is setting off those huge bombs thta feel like they are shaking the house! I go downstairs and Max is just jittery and shook up. I am going to shut down for the night so that I can stay down with the little guy tonight.

Hello MRS:
I wanted to send my Happy New Year greetings here!!! Happy New Year.....
D.

It was great to connect on the telephone. Good way to end the year! Hope all went well, quiet and peaceful this night of fireworks and celebrations.

Today is New Year's Eve and I have been working to get together all the information on my donations (checks have to written and mailed today). I seemed to have lost the address label pages that I set up las year. OH! I know where they are...they are on the computer in the den. Darn...not on my network. Gosh, I am going to have to walk over there...gasp. Good thing I decided to start working out again.Toodles, for now!

Back 12:00 PM The charity list is down to 33 organizations. I am now making copies of the cover letter. This year, I wrote a different kind of letter. I requested that they not put our names on a solicitation list for interim pesting. I suggested that we would look negatively on these letters come next year. Anyway, will be curious to see what happens comer December 2003. I am not optimistic about this, but thought that we should give it a try.

Thank god that PG is helping me to write the checks. Last year, the checks were almost illegible because I was so stressed trying to write the checks, stuff the envelopes, stamp them and get them to the mailbox on time. This year feel like a breeze.

I have to go eat lunch. Dick is afraid if I go to late, I won't be hungry for his prime rib tonight! Slim chance.

As I look around the office, I give up trying to get it uncer control by 12/31. Somewhere in this blog, I may have used 1/31/03 as the date I would have the office ship-shape. That does feel doable. The anti-clutter books that I am reading may be inspiring me after all. Perhaps, after the 10th clutter book that I read, an irresistable mass of organized thinking will erupt from my being! I shall walk into the office and like Mary Poppins, just point and poof...it will clean itself...hah! Hey, don't be negative...this is only about a ream of very loose paper, books, computer software, clips, magazines, unopened mail...forget it..I am not going to list the clutter again! Toodles for now!

Back 2:53 PM Had the same old lunch at Big City Grill (fried rice). I am in training for the carbo reduction I plan to start in January. Just went over the checks that PG wrote and all is well in Melville. Now, all I have to do is to sign the check, put a stamp on the envelope and stuff it and then take it to the post office! Done for another year!

I set up a new blog account because I want to move 3 of my blogs there (My Book Record, Projects to be Done, and OnWriting). I think this blog is filling up and may be impacting the research blog. However, the other account just blew up on me. I do not know what went wrong, but my one blog multiplied to 5 identical blogs. I cannot post to any of them.

This appears to be a real mess. I just spent 30 minutes trying to get the other account to work properly. I don't know what the problem is. I should go and see if they sent an email to me.

10:18 Tuesday Dec. 31, 2002 I was finally able to transfer two of the blogs to the other account. Actually, the tranfer did not have anything to do with the problem. I created the problem by not looking closely at the links. Each link was missing the forward slash at the end of the link. I guess that is needed to have the link work from the blog. When I went outside the blog, the link worked fine, but at the actual site, a / appeared in the address window. I thought to copy that back here and voila, it all worked!

M:
I couldn't help but come to this BLOG since I was already at "Ongoing Research".....thought I'd just check in and see how you were doing. I was fascinated by your 12/27 post, especially where you talk about at 36 how you came to the conclusion of changing your reality by refocusing your attention. WHAT a great children's book this would make. It could be called " Where have all the B-52s gone?" (This is my version of your 747s (ggg) I could just see you asking people about the pesticide campaign to wipe out the jumbo cockroaches. Yep, I reckon people would look at you like you were a bit strange, considering they did not notice the same thing you did. It seems to me I have never changed my reality about jumbo cockroaches....(gggg) just a silly observation on my part about myself. Great writing!!!! Thanks for the insight.

Set up the bookmarks that D sent me. There were a few problems with the sites she located via the CS search function. I guess CS must use an internal coding for site that does not translate out on the internet. Need to start amassing a knowledge base from which to judge the sites. I should probably create a site map so that M can get a quick overview of what is available. I should check to see if the site offers a map. If could print the map and make notes.

Plan to leave this as a running topic. No wait...need a new blog!

8:39 pm Just got back from dinner. I came online answered my email, checked my Milo&Stitch game and came here to blog for a bit. I want to remember to do the following:

Write the Consolidated commending the theater personnel (for helping and supporting me through the Jenny crisis)
Prepare listing of donations to be made before year end
Want to make a dent in the clutter by 12/31 (it is good to start the new year in a less cluttered state
Take the GL file to B on Monday and work with Bobby to see how much he can do (he is on break from UH Law School) while B has him full time
Contact Scott to get started with the projects

Somehow, my mind is just not working tonight. I am hving a hard time concentrating or following through on anything. I think I should call it a early night.

Stopped at 12:22 am

Just got home from running errands. I had to cancel Deb because we were trying to get together with MG. However, we can only meet for a short time beginning at 4 today. She has to go to the restaurant to pitch in until about 10:30 tonight. She is coming by for a drink and to see the house and meet with Max again. I went to Times and got some poki and ahi sashimi. I just got a tiny amount since I am not sure she eats that kind of stuff.

Deb called to see if tomorrow at 1 PM would work. I said "yes". Unfortunately, now that I am on the computer, I see that I agreed to meet with Fred and his niece and nephew tomorrow at 3:30. I should call them to see if we could push it back an hour. Then, I think everything will work out.

I also had lunch (fried rice and 2 pancakes) at Big City Diner. Don't have a clue what happened to my intent to cut way down on carbs. This feels a lot like I am increasing my intake. OHHH...Positive spin...I am just preparing for the imminent downsizing of my carb portions (hahahahahaha).

I want to clear out the bulk of my clutter between now and the end of January. However, there are a lot of things to do before 12/31. I have to write all my donation checks. I asked PG to be ready on Tuesday to write checks the whole day. I have labels ready from the prior years. Hopefully, this will not be a hassle. I give all the charities the same amount, now. Oh, except for the library, I usually give them double.

I should go downstairs and tidy up just a bit.

I wanted to get this post into 12/27/02 because that is the day this happened.

I took the kids to see Lord of the Rings. About an hour in the movie, Jenny went to the restroom and did not return. After 15 minutes, I left the theater to look for her. We were in a 16-plex theater. She was not in the restroom and I look around the theater lobbies. No Jenny. I went to the Manager and asked for help locating Jenny. We went back into the theater and the one next door because it was playing the same movie. No Jenny. I got the two boys to leave the theater and to star looking around the property for Jenny. At this point, she had been missing more than 30 minutes. I called Dick and started to get hysterical. I asked the manager to call the police. Security showed up and tried to get a description of Jenny. The three of us described her clothing differently. We were not much help.

I talked to the police dispatcher who wanted a description so she could release an APB on Jenny. I got more and more frantic. Dick had said not to call Judy until we were sure she was not in the theater complex. The theater manager agreed. I sent the boys in the theaters near the one we were in. I wanted them to walk up and down the aisles looking for her.

The police showed up and started to question with description type of questions. He talked to the boys. Then, I saw two theater employees leading Jenny out of the theater we were in! I ran to her and grabbed her. I was yelling, "Where were you? We were so worried!".

The theater manager told me that he was pretty sure that Jenny was still in the theater. He has seen it happen many times. Kids get turned around and do not remember where they were sitting. They do not want to call attention to themselves, so they sit and get re-involved in the movie. That is probably why she did not see us walking up and down the aisles. Since she is short, she was not easy to see in the dark.

The theater employees were sent in again by theater management. Their instructions were to look for a lone, female child. They found her sitting near the front!

I told the manager that I was far too upset to go back to watch the remaining part of the show. By that time, we had already missed as hour of the show. He was very understanding and gave us four passes to see the show later.

Everyone was understanding. I apologized for being so hysterical. Everyone was just glad that nothing bad had happened. The police officer did give Jenny a little lecture about needing to ask for help is she ever gets separated from her family!

As I drove away from the theater, I thought that I would not want to take responsibility for the children anymore. I did not want to take them to the movies and Friday, anymore. Fortunately, by the time we got to the house, I was feeling clamer and able to see that Jenny was never in any danger. I was over reacting.I agreed to take the kids to see the show again next week. This time, I want to make sure all the kids know where we are sitting. Should I go with her to the restroom? Have to think about that. I do not want Jenny to become afraid.

Yesterday, I meant to write some things here after D and M left the house. However, I was overcome by sleepiness. How weird for me to be sleepy. I think this actually happening more frequently. I suspect that it might be food related. Last night, ate Chinese and could not stay up late. Yesterday, ate Japanese and went to sleep early. There was one other time this week (let Max stay in bed until 3 AM when I briefly awoke and crated him). By the time I went to bed (it was early), I could barely keep my eyes open. That is why I left Max on the bed. Anyway, I am going to try to monitor this sleepiness. If it continues, I shall see a doc (good Virgo that I am).

I need to write about yesterday because a lot of stuff happened!

Dr Frank made an observation that needs follow-up. He agreed that I have changed, but cannot put his finger on it. However, he does not want me to obsess about it because he feels the changes are good and constructive. However, Dr Frank probably does not appreciate my compulsion to pin down whatever is going on in my head. I really want to make sure I understand the change. Is this a temporary difference that will wear off? Or will it continue and evolve to another different level?

Why do I need to know this?

When I was 13, I discovered astrology and handwriting analysis. I instinctively embraced the fields. It felt as though I had discovered a way to double check my reality. When I read about my astrological chart, I was shocked that something outside of myself could provide so much insight into my behavior and feelings. I felt I had discovered a reality gauge. As long as what I read "jived" with my perception of reality, then "all was well on the western front". When there were differences, I would spend time focusing more deeply into the area. I place less reliance on personality tests because there is a greater chance that I slant the results unconsciously when answering the questions.

When I studied handwriting analysis, there were some things that I noticed in my handwriting that I did not like (at the time). So, I deliberately tried to change my handwriting. As a young person, my handwriting indicated a cheerfulness that I interpreted as silliness and to mean someone not to be taken seriously. Remember I was 13! So, I tried to emulate a more serious and intellectual pose in my handwriting. I am not sure this worked, but I did lose my sense of humor and became more dour in my outlook. Now, I sometimes see a semblence of my 13 year-old penmanship creeping back into my handwriting.

Anyway, given my need to get a handle on my thinking process, these recent happenings are somewhat disconcerting. Fortunately, I do not often remember to obsess about this. It usually happens when I blog or talk to Dr Frank.

SD called yesterday because she had a tele run-in with the process server and she was upset. I told her that I would just call another one for her and she could take it from there. I was not sure if she wanted me to call the guy and check him out. However, I have enough on my plate and did not want to talk to a verbally abusive process server. Why is it that SD gets into these situations where she gets abused by other people? Dick would call her a "little rain cloud person". Maybe it is as simple as that. Or, it could be that we attract what we most fear...the fear creating the stickiness which pulls in the experience we are dreading. Difuse the fear and change our reality.

When I was around 36, I came to the conclusion that the state must have started a new pesticide campaign because I rarely saw those jumbo cockroaches (747s) anymore. I started to ask around. People looked at me like I was strange. No, no one had heard of a new pest control campaign. Hmmm, what happened to the 747s which have plagued me for my entire life! Where did they go? I wanted to find out (in case they were coming back!).

One day, it came to me. My fear of roaches had greatly diminished over time. Since I was not as terrified of them, I ceased to notice their presence! I changed my reality by were I focused my attention. Wow, what power. I have used this approach many times, I think. My problem (with changing my reality) is that the change tends to be so complete that I don't remember the "before" period too clearly.

Stopped at 9:22 am

Returned at 11:49 pm
I can't believe that I got so lost on this topic. I just wanted to recap Dr Frank's opinion as to what might have trigger the change for me. Anyway, he felt that I was getting quite upset with the way Dick was NOT handling his health issues. Then, when Dick went into the hospital, I thought that he might die. Suddenly, when confronted mortality, the stress may have caused things to snap into place. Suddenly, I did not have all the time in the world to accomplish what ever I needed to. Need to keep reflecting on this insight to see if it resonates as truth.

Returned at 12:19 am
I know that I had a lot of other stuff that I wanted to write about. However, the lost child incident has totally wiped whatever my thoughts were from my mind. I am not sure what to do. My dim memory says that some important stuff happened on 12/26. I need to call it a night. Hopefully, tomorrow will shed some light on whatever else happened on Thursday, 12/26/02.

The unblogged life may not be worth living but the unlived life is not worth blogging.
MemeMachineGo.com

Found this quote on another Blog and liked it. Thought that I would quote it here and play around with the headings, alignment, and other html commands.

Just read the LA Times and a new website, Central Booking http://www.centralbooking.com/
I shall keep reading Central Booking (CB) until I made up my mind whether I want to read it regularly. CB is a website for booklovers and does contain many other links to other book sites. The problem is the focus tends to be on fiction and I have stopped reading fiction. I should try to do a seach looking for nonfiction sites.

Read LA Times article: The Loner - Larry McMurtry, Premier Western Novelist of a Generation, Seems Content With the Quiet Life in Archer City, Texas. Or Is He?
By Scott Kraft, Times Staff Writer

I had forgotten how long the LA Times articles can get. I sent a copy to D with a warning that it was quite long. I did not know the author since I have never read westerns. However, the man sounds like someone I would love to meet. He runs a second-hand bookstore (I think there are 4 in the small town). There are about 500,000 titles in the bookstores (not computerized). McMurtry main job is to keep out the junk books. The 500,000 books are all quality reads and much sought after. I think the town is described as a two hour drive out of Dallas. There are about 1,800 residents in the town.

A happy period in my life was when I ran the book department in a Gemco store in California. I got to decide what books to bring in, what to re-order, etc. What fun! I knew where every book was (what shelf, location on shelf, and about how many were left). My department also sold the candy for the store. I did not stay on top of the candy stocks. Valentine's Day was hard period because the candy boxes took over a lot of space that I normally used for books.

Would I be able to pick quality books? I suspect not because I am not that well read in general. I have had intense periods of reading Sci-Fi, then Fantasy Sci-Fi and finally Mysteries. Now I am reading nonfiction but am still too new to the genre to have any idea what constitutes a quality book. I am an indiscriminant reader. Generally, I pick a subject, go to the library and search the topic and then borrow every book in the library system on that topic. Many of the books are old and the information dated. However, I am still gaining knowledge. I suspect that after a while, some discrimination will be developed.

2:11 PM Got an email from D which said her test result on the inkblot test was that her mind was driven by Peace. As I read the brief description, this sounded like her.

4:18 PM My inkblot test results stated that I was driven by Imagination. This does not resonate with me. However, with all the has been happening, how would I know this anymore? This is what I copied from eMode's description of the Imagination:

Your need to be innovative drives how you look at new opportunities and the kinds of experiences in life you choose to have. On an unconscious level, the reason you may be so driven by imagination is your fear of destruction, the opposite of creation. When you are unable to create due to restrictions imposed by your environment or even ones you unwittingly impose on yourself, do you feel trapped or confined? You may find these feelings of unease only get better when you find another outlet for your imagination.

The words sound good, but fear of destruction???, I don't know what this means here. If I cannot create, do I feel like I've been destroyed? I have never considered myself creative or as having a very strong imagination. I used to solve problems and others labled the solutions "creative". This struck me as excessive, however, one does not turn down compliments.

10:07 AM I think from now on, I shall add the time whenever I start (and sometimes stop) a post. I get confused when I re-read what I've written. I lose track of the timing of the writing. Anyway, just a thought to try.

On the Lactose Incompetent blog there was a link to an article about a policeman who was suspended for 30 days without pay because he refused to run in a homeless man who had no where else to go. The homeless in the area did a fundraiser and raised $3,000 and gave it to the man and his family for Christmas. Wow! What a story. I just emailed it to a bunch of people on my mailing list. To me, that should be what Christmas is all about. People helping and thanking other people!

It is so rare for me to really acknowledge anyone, much less a stranger. When I am out and about, I hardly ever make eye contact with anyone. I have not said "Merry Christmas" to anyone this season. I have typed it a lot...but suspect that this does not count in connecting with others. I think the Advertiser has a front page column which allows people to write their acknowledgements (good and bad) for things other people have done. My cousin, Walter, got written up two or three weeks ago. Apparently, he stopped to help someone in trouble and he went out of his way to do this. The facts are muddy in memory, but his helpfulness remains clear.

Who have I failed to acknowledge this month?

PW's concern that I was not going to decorate the house with Christmas stuff (she was willing to bring some things from home)
Grant for bringing the ice chest and ice
Didi for getting the extra ice and functioning as a quasi-hostess for the party (stopped at 10:26 am)
(Back at 4:23 PM)
D for encouraging me to keep on blogging
D for not criticizing me for drowning her in emails (she continues to encourage me to keep sending them to her)
PG for her help with the decorations, Max and for making the property look pretty good
PW for keep showing up here at work despite the terrible working conditions
D for clapping when I sing (even when I know I sound bad/straining)
Dick for managing Max most of the day - he allows me to run around without feeling guilty about Max at home alone
Dick for not questioning any of the things I have done with our finances (this is for our entire marriage)
JMS for sending me what she perceived to be a warning and a reaching out

Who has not acknowledged me?
B does not appear to appreciate the work I have done with his checkbook reconciliation - he started the whole spreadsheet again from scratch
Dick never said anything about my staying with him while in he waited in ER for a hospital room
Dick did not ask me how I felt after I was released from the ER (spent nine hours there)
Jaclyn seems to view the Friday outings as something to do if she nothing better to do (cancels at a drop of the hat)
Irene, Grant, Brian, Jennifer, and Kathleen have never answered an email from me

I think I will go send some emails to the top list.

9:03 PM I sent 4 emails to people I have not acknowledged. There was so much to write. I feel a lot cleaner and will try to not let this happen again. I have not decided if anything needs to be done with the Who has not acknowledged me? section. I do what I do because I want to. However, I do plan to ask myself a few more questions before doing certain things. Sending email, that is okay. I like to share information and there is one person who always causes me to acknowledged and appreciated. However, I should have probably not gotten involved in the bank reconciliation process. This is not one of the areas that I can hold my attention to the degree necessary. I should have been a lot more honest about the problems.

Today is Christmas and things seem stable around the world.

I am going through my email and sending off last minute things! I just registered the Check-it86 software that i bought last night. It has been doing a good job for me. So far, it has blocked 225 pop-ups in the last four days. Why do advertisers believe that it is okay to be obnoxious and intrude everywhere? When the ads are passive, I feel more receptive to looking at them and occassionally clicking on those that interest me. They are paying for the content that I am reading. However, Pop-ups and Pop-unders are totally unacceptable. I just stopped visiting sites that used them. The pop-up stopper may not be fair for me to use. After all, those #$&%@ advertisers are stil paying for the content which I am enjoying. However, I feel Enough is Enough! Who knows what is the right answer?

Gee, what does this have to do with Christmas? Donno...it is just where my nose is pointing to this Chrismas morning.

This is Christmas Eve and the day does not feel at all special. There have been so many painful things happening in the news that it is hard to feel like celebrating.

What does Christmas mean to me? Gosh, am drawing a blank. It does not mean gifts, decorations, TV specials, parties, etc.

Christmas music...I like to listen to Christmas music - but this does not constitute Christmas for me. Christmas does not bring to mind family or any traditions. At this moment, Christmas has no meaning for me. Why is that? I don't think I was like this before. Last year, it was hard to feel joyous or full of love and good cheer because of 9/11. This year, something else is different.

I just realized that I forgot to get the kids birthday presents put together! I also forgot Urs' present. D and M and I decided not to exchange gifts a few years ago. We can make donations in the others' names. However, I forgot to do this. This is so odd. How could I have forgotten things that I did every year? It was important for me to give the kids their presents on Cristmas eve or day. How come it no longer seems important? I do intend to give them their presents...it just does not seem to matter when. Is this a function of gettng older? I am really confused by this. In November, I gave Devin his birthday present one or two weeks late! I don't remember this ever happening. A birthday present two weeks late? What is going on?

Somewhere in this Blog I discussed the possibility of a walk-on status. Hmm. Is this associated with that possibility? Have I really changed? Is there anyone who could tell? I went into a pretty isolated period during 2001 and 2002. I am not sure even Dick would be able to answer this question. He was pretty much out of it too. My sense is that a walk-on would be an add-on and simply merge into what was already there and perhaps move to a different level. Was there also a partial walk-off too? Or, is a new level and I am just going through adjustment jitters?

Do I recognize the flow of my current thoughts? There used to be a rhythm to my thoughts. I could feel the beat as I thought about things. There is a sense of empty space now when I think. It is not a bad or lonely feel, it's just quiet and empty. I just turned off the Elvis music site. I never had music sites playing in the background as I surfed. Now, the Elvis site is playing all the time. Was his music filling the space so that I would not notice? This is so wierd.

I have been experiencing grief this past week. The little girl's murder definitely triggered the grief. The orphans in Africa are continue to tear me up. I have been trying to think of something to do that would help in some way. Nothing solid has come to mind. Wanted to go to the little girl's funeral; but decided not to because of the pain.

It doesn't feel like I am going to move any further along this path tonight. I'll just let it rest for now.

As I re-read this post, I remember something I wrote last night. I was describing how my life had been filled to brim with things and it took an accident for me to make room for the other "stuff" that I wanted in my life. The accident jarred loose the lid and all the inconsequential or irrelevant stuff fell out. I am not sure how this ties in here, but my sense is that it does. Is it possible that it took 10 years for the fall out to be complete? If that is true, is all the new stuff flowing in now? Is this why everything feels so different? Click - click- snap. Things may be falling into place. We shall see.

On that note, I feel like moving on to other stuff at 11:08 PM, 12/24/02.

I wrote a post and then hit the X key. Duh...it did not save. Oh well, guess whatever I said did not belong here.

Today was uneventful. I did quite a bit of running around:

Finished Who Knew?
Got a manicure\pedicure from Urs
Went to pet store for leash, new bed for Max, adult dog food, white hair shampoo, cleaner for aournd the eyes, new hairbrush for Max and a plastic kitty box for PG's inbox
Went to the library and borrowed 4 more DVDs and 4 books (these are due 1/31/03). Also returned Who Knew? and dropped off the magazines for recycle.
Went to lunch (City Grill) and had the fried rice and a diet coke - Finished the Memory Management book and got half way through Internet Guide for Seniors
Went by J's to pick up our gifts
Picked up the mail
Crossed paths with Grant (he was leaving after picking up his ice chest)
Played with Max, walked him and set out his new bed
Checked email, my Milo & Stitch game (still short the two tokens), and other misc items
Updated the Book Library for the recent borrowings (and for the two finished books)
Bought and downloaded some eBooks from Lockergnome
Showed PG how to get the Christmas her friend sent her - the card was gorgeous (it is a membership site $8 per year)

Yesterday, PG and I put a TV out on the curb for bulk pickup. Today, a young man came by and knocked on PG's door. He said that he picked up the TV and wondered if we had the handset. PG called me and I said that I would bring it out. When I got outside, I aksed the man how the TV was. He said that the VCR was not working but that the TV worked fine. I gahter he repairs TVs. He also said that he sells these TVs in the Philapines and was SO happy to find mine. Well, I am glad some got some good use of out that TV. I told him that there was another TV outside up the street. He said that he had seen the set, but that it was too old to be fixable. Oh well. I tol d him that I would look for the manual and call him if we located it.

I bought the TV at OWF. I think it was in ... my mind is a blank.

A lot of things have happened tonight. I am disconnected. Let me just list them and then see where it takes me.

Posted a comment on the Lactose_Incompetent blog This represents the first time I have reached out to someone in the blogger community. I was surprised that I did this. However, it felt ok to do.

Remembered and blogged about the value of RPGs to me (focused on the Xeen series). As I wrote the post, for an tiny instant, I was transported back to that first game I played in the office in 1992. Now, when I start any new RPG, I just jump in and start playing without much preparation. If my character dies, I just replay and try to learn from the experience.

Back then, I remember D telling me that she just could not "get with" the game. I was trying to interest her in playing Xeen. However, after the 50th dice role to try to get the best party, she was just too bored with the process. I wonder if I ruined the RPG experience for her. D was probably a lot more spontaneous than I was back in 1993. I was still stuck in the survival mode. I refused to let my party die and then be resurrected. I think I lost endurance points and maybe all my gold. It was easier to just start the game over again with a new party. Since that was not efficient, I spent many hours trying to role (via the dice) a stronger party. I must have 1,000+ hours in the games (there were two - Clouds of Xeen and Darkside of Xeen).

Edward acted on my suggestion of a help forum for Bloggers This was a major surprise. There really are people out there. Sometimes, it does feel like I exist in a vacuum. I hope the Help Forum he set up will work. I was inspired by the Mac users helping each other to track down the thief that ripped off one of the Mac sellers on eBay. On the other hand, I remember the story of the guy who hacked into a couple of suspected Al-Qaida websites.He was trying to do the right thing. Apparently, the FBI was already monitoring the sites and the hacker may have disrupted the surveillance. Who knows what is appropriate anymore? All the rules are being re-written on a daily basis and none of us has a blueprint from which to work from.

Posted the info on the missing 92 nuclear weapons at sea - asked for help in finding more data and wanted to just talk about the article. I may have blown it with my first post. I have been trying to locate information to verify the information in the article of te missing 92 nukes at sea. I posted it thinking I was in the Current Events Forum. However, I was in the Help Forum. I decided to leave it there since I was asking for help. Not sure this is the kind of help that was envisioned. I do hope that someone can point me in the right direction.

Read Edward's last Post I wrote him an email sharing my last 10 year experience. Hmmm, that is definitely "out there" for me. I am not sure if I was coherent. May have rambled too much. What triggered my response...Edward ended his post saying that he believes that things happen for a reason and that offered some protection.

OH! That was it. I wanted to caution Edward that the reasons, in my experience, were of his own making. I am not sure I got to that point in the email I sent. I believe that life works and everything happens for our highest and best good. In my case, there was no protection because my highest and best good was to be knocked flat on my face and to spend the next 10 years trying to recover. I needed to spend the 10 years in order to see the fallacies in my life more clearly. Also, the 10 years gave me the time to develope some new skills and insights about life, etc. I am rapidly moving toward my path, but still, cannot see it clearly.

Talked to Ron about his family dynamics (he is a Cancer, Girlfriend is a Capricorn and Daughter is a Leo). I have noticed that when considering a group of people, I can often feel the energies better when I know all the sun signs. I have resisted getting more deeply involved in astrology. Why? I clearly have some affinity for the area. I do have top notch software and can probably produced some insightful reports. So why am I not moving in that direction? My plan to produce family charts never made it to my list of projects. Until this moment, I had forgotten about it. I know there is a lot of stuff to family (or any group) dynamics. A rhythm which can be felt and interpreted. I could test this out. I'll run a group chart of Ron's family to see if what I felt is reflected in an actual chart. That would be interesting. Will ask for the astrological data the next time I see him.

Monday is almost over and I did not talk to PW about her job search. Maybe I should call her on the telephone tomorrow. Or, I could send her an email asking how the job search is going. Maybe, that would be a good way to go. I feel this job is becoming toxic for her too. It cannot be healthy to be in an environment where you cannot function. She must feel stymied at every turning. I sit here like a uncommunicative statute. I refuse to deal with the mail or all the loose papers. I do not want to look at them or tell her what to do with them. When did I become such a bitch? Donno...life just happens.

Role Playing Games

I was blogging on the last post and remembered the value I received from Role Playing Games (RPG). I wanted to write about it before forgetting it again. I played my first RPG during the last half of 1992. Prior to finding the game, I had not used the computer for more than Windows, Excel, Word, RBase, Peachtree accounting, Tvalue, Assetkeeper, Forms Maker, and Calendar. I could not install software or do anthing more than turn on the computer. I was just an end-user and had no intention of ever being anything else. After all, I had a computer-guy to handle all my company's computer related issues (backups, formatting, etc.).

After my accident, Dr. Frank believed that computer activities would help create new pathways and perhaps repair some of the old ones. He wanted me to play whatever games I could find...especially those games which might require some multi-level thinking or multi-tasking. I was playing an assortment of concentration or memory kinds of games. However, my boredom level was pretty high after hundreds of replays.

Then I saw Might & Magic Clouds of Xeen in the store. I bought it and was so hooked! I created my first party and went off to explore the country-side. My party was walking down the read and we got attacked. There were a bunch of monsters in front and they were bashing my 6 heroes! I could tell they were getting hurt because I saw the damage being inflicted. I panicked. I clicked on everything. I tried all the buttons! Nothing. I was helpless against the monsters' onslaught. Occasionally, I would click on the right thing and was able to inflict some damage. However, due to the stress of the moment, I could not remember what it was that I did. One-by-one, my characters died. I had started wit six happy faces on the bottom of my screen. At the end of the battle, I was looking at six dead faces. I was crushed! I shut down the computer and slowly went to my car. My heart was beating so hard, it hurt. I was almost shell-shocked. It had been such a frightening experience. I had never felt so helpless and defenseless.

All my life I have avoided serious confrontations. What I had just gone through epitomized my worst fears! Being helpless, unable to defend myself, just bashed around until death was a welcomed release....

HUH? When I got home, I said "Wait a sec, this is a game. You get to replay! Unlike life, you get as many tries as you like!"

Wow...200+ games later, I have that game locked! I can play it with my eyes closed. I love that game. I have played so many times and have tried all the possible variations that nothing can beat me. Of course, this says a lot about my approach to life. Do I over prepare? Not sure since I have not prepared for much these last 10 years. I know that when I worked, I would do almost anything to avoid being incompetent. Now, I don't feel I need to defend myself. The past 10 years has shown me that there are more important things than being the best. Anyway, RPGs have added a new dimension to my life. I suspect I would have not opened up in this area without my intense RPG experience.

Of course, I do know it is a game...but defeating all the bad monsters and saving the world definitely has its appeal.

A side benefit: Confrontations are still avoided, but the avoidance is no longer anchored in place by fear. I still feel that confrontations are messy things and words can be spoken in anger that can never be taken back. But, gone is the gut wrenching avoidance of the past. I can now sometimes see that a good fight can clear the air.

Just posted a Comment on another Blog, Lactose-Incompetent. I like that Blog. Originally, I thought the writer to be a woman in Hawaii. Must be my Fast Decision Making process. The writer's pseudonym is Edward. He is a writer and uses the Blog to process his life as it happens, much as I am doing here. However, I am just gushing it all out without any plan or framework. I think it will quite a while before I get to creating any kind of structure. The most I can get to is to create headings. Headings, white space, etc help my eyes stay focused.

He set up separate Forums for his readers to use. I went to post something, but no one one there. It felt funny because all of a sudden I had nothing to say. In a more public forum, do I become invisible unless I have something to respond to? I Blog here with no blocks. I do not really run out of things to talk to me about. I should go back and post on some of the news topics that I am following-up on.

Anyway, today was taking Max to the vet to make sure he is OK, an appointment with the acupuncturist, lunch at Sunset Grill, banking, getting the mail, checking out my Milo & Stitch game, and finally coming here.

BTW, I could not locate the book I was reading, Welcome to Memory Management, so I picked up Who Knew? Gee, I can't figure how the author got the book published. The Publisher, MIF Books, is surely in business to make money. I went back to Barnes & Noble to check out the reviews.Are we talking about the same book? I have only read 20% of the book, but I am amazed. It is so empty of information. Sometimes I wonder if some of the online reviews (the very positive reviews by customers) are not just friends of the author. I told Dick the title should be Who Knew.....and Who Cares! Dick keeps asking me why I continue to read a book when I don't like it. He does not understand the concept of optimism...it might get better!

Welcome to Memory Management - I wish I had read this book 5 years ago. It would have made things a lot easier for me. I had to struggle by myself trying to squeeze more memory out of computers in order to play the RPGs I was addicted to. I am just reading it at flank speed since my two main computers are XPs and have lost interest in computer games. B did lend me three to try out. The games sound like Guy Games...Clive Barker's Undying, Battlefield 1942 and Delta Force Land Warrior. He believes that it is good to experience combat in game situations (where it is safe). There is some truth to that... want to start a new post on RPGs before I lose the thought.

Computer Activities for the Past Week

I wanted to document my activites for the past week. On December 13, I got all the new shareware unlocked. This is a summary of the six new shareware programs and my plans for them:

Book Collector I use this software to input multiple books. Also, when I update using the ISBN, the software will download any available cover images. This is very convenient and quite a time saver. I do an online search of Amazon.com first. Then, I go to the Library of Congress to download whatever data I find there. For every 100 ISBNs that enter, there are usually 3 to 4 that I have to input manually. This is SO much better than the alternative. When this is done, I prepare an export file and close the program and go to the Book Library.

Book Library (BL) I import the tab delimited file from Book Collector (BC) and start to work on the individual books. BC is not good at obtaining all the reviews and descriptions. Also, BC does not access Barnes & Noble which has the best input. So, now, I do an individual online query for each book. I am looking for data that BC missed. There is usually quite a bit. The reason I follow this convoluted path is because of the Front Covers. BC downloads virtually all the covers automatically. With BL, I have to download and name each cover separately. This is very time consuming. So far, I am very pleased with the process. I maintain two databases: My Personal Books and Library Books.

I track all the info that is available online (easy since I do not have to input it), keep track of whether I have read the book or not, my personal rating, my notes and comments. I am downloading any available chapter titles to save me from having to type this later after I read the book and create my book review.

I am doing this partially because I was losing track of what books I have read, have on hand to read, etc. When I am browsing the auction sites, it is hard to figure out if I already had or read a particular book. Also, sometimes, auction sites sell an older edition and I mistakenly think it is current. I thought that in a year or so, this effort will reap a lot of personal benefit. I plan to export the data to a spreadsheet so I can carry around on my iPaq. This will be auite useful at the library, regular bookstores and used bookstores. I do not plan to buy very many books bacause I have more than 400 to read (not counting what I borrow from the library).

Music Collector This software creates a database of all tracks on my CDs. All I have to do is pop the CD in the computer and the program will read the tracks. I can do multiple CDs and then go on the internet to download all the available information on the song, artist, etc. I have about 375 music CDs which I would like entered into a database. In addition, B left another 200 CDs here. Those maybe too much trouble to access because they are in a 100 CD changer. Once I have all the songs listed, I am going to want to export the info into a spreadsheet. I could have used this software to track the MP3 files but I did not like how it did the job.

Music Library I got this software to track the MP3 files that I have. I rarely listen to the MP3 files, but plan to make them more accessible. A number have to be re-recorded. When I first started to make MP3 files, I made a lot of errors. Now, I am using better software and feel that I should redo some of them. At this time, though, I do not see where I will get the time to listen to the files to make those decisions.

Other Music Databases Needed I have the Karaoke songs listed on a spreadsheet. There are 4,500 songs there. In addition, I probably have another 200 to 300 Karaoke songs on various Karaoke disks not listed in the system. I need to get a handle on them. I would like round out the collection by looking for specific songs.

I want a database of all the sheet music I have (loose and bound). I need to track the key the song written in and for whom the arrangement was written. I have run into a lot of trouble when selecting songs to sing. I choose a song and look for the sheet music. When Fred plays it, I find I cannot sing it because the arrangement is for a different voice or version. For instance, I can sing This is the Moment on Karaoke. I have two versions and can sing either one. So, I went to the library and made copies of the song from the Jeckyl & Hyde book. What a disaster. The same thing happened with 4 or 5 other songs. I had the copies made but could not sing the arrangement. I could learn it, but I do not have the karaoke song to practice with. I have the song on a CD somewhere, but do not know where. So, until I locate the broadway version, I have nothing to listen to and cannot learn the song. If I had all my music on one big database, I could just look it up and make my decision regarding song choices,

Movie Library This software is probably the most labor intensive since I have to type the name of the DVD or VHS. Then, I have to select from the items found. However, there are only about 1,000 to do, so this should not be a monumental problem. I have to put limits on my inputting time, though. Actually, this might be a good job for PG since she knows how to type. I have to go look harder at the software to see if there is anyway to input multiple movies.

Picture Library Originally, I did not think I would buy this software. I have so many organizers and didn't want another. However, the search function proved quite valuable. This software searched all the drives on one computer and located about 800 MB of duplicate photos. The duplicate photos were a hangover from the time of computer troubles when I backed up my files like crazy. I lost control of the backups and ended up with backups everywhere. The one drawback was that it took hours to delete the duplicates since I wanted to check each one out. I am going to run the software on my other computers. The process should go faster. Then, I have to check across the network and compare all the computers looking for duplicate pictures.

OK, Did What I Agreed to Do

4:55 Took about 12 pictures of my work area, filed them in a new folder under MyPictures, and picked up all the stuff on the floor near my desk. Took the library books downstairs and left the plastic bin down there for collecting the stuff that needs to go back to the library. Stacked 12 of the software boxes neatly on the file cabinets, returned the password folder to its place, put back the phone books and filled my wastebasket with a bunch of paper rubbish. I also sang for an hour (Disk 8, Miss Saigon and Les Miserables). I cleaned up after singing. Somehow, the singing energized me. I am going next door to the party at 6. Will only stay for a few minutes because Dick made reservations at Paesano for 6:30 tonight. I just plan to pop in, drop off a bottle of Chianti, congratulate the guy and then leave. He graduated from the UH today. I think PG said he was a business major.

I wonder if I should change my clothes. With the recent weight gain, I do not have a lot of options about choice of clothes. Guess I will change because they saw me earlier in this run around outfit.

Another Project To Do

Cleaning up a little today reminds me that I want to start keeping my research files on the computer. That is why I bought the scanner and software. Slowly, I want to take the research files out of the filing cabinets, scan into computer and discard the hard copy. The info drawer should only hold equipment manuals, warranty booklets and mail-order company information. Eventually, when I feel comfortable goign more paperless, I shall convert everything but manuals. I need to have the scanner much closer to me. Even with the old scanner, I had to stand up, walk around the laptop table, place the item, then come back to the computer, scan, and then remember to remove the originals. This was really not very workable.

Need to Re-evaluate my Office Space

I am not adequately using the space under my main table. What could go under there? Also, what could I take off the tabletop? There is so much stuff that I do not use, but I don't want to get rid of it yet. I know with the new system things will change and don't want to take any precipitous actions. I think I made a mistake when I layed out the office (4 or 5 years ago). I should have put the wider desktop as my main desk and this more narrow desktop as my backup. To change this now would be a major project because of all the cubbies and dividers I have balanced on the tabletops. However, nothing is impossible.

Just got back from lunch at Big City Grill. I am feeling a carbo reaction. I think it is time to change the old diet to NO CARBS! This is the 3rd or 4th time this week that I've had a carb reaction after eating. I shall try to cut down on my carbs for now.

When I walked through the door, I woke Dick. He fell asleep. Is he OK to go to the movie? I left the intercom on so that I can hear if he gets up. Maybe staying home would not be a bad idea. There is a lot I want to do and this office is an absolute mess!

This is all about Clutter...

Have been reading books on clutter. It is clear that there is no real emotional attachment to the clutter. Here is a list of the clutter that I see around me:

notes written while on the net
notes written while using the Book Library and Book Collector
printed material from the net
eyeglasses
iPaq cradle with an iPaq lying loose
Dick's charge card slips
a laptop
a checkbook
loose computer cables (comp to comp type)
pictures
Tums (or the equivalent)
About 30 software boxes lying around my two desks (to be installed)
an open computer tools holder
an unopened MSM bottle
a battery recharger (I think it is broken)
many pens lying around
many floppies (most unlabled so I have no clue what they are for)
a PAID stamp
a LOT of mail (opened and unopened)
a grouping labled Bills To Pay
an extra DELL keyboard
one walkie talkie...hmmm where is the mate?
Couple external hard drives
eyeglass cleaner fluid
holder for paperclips (inside is 91 cents and 7 business cards, but no paperclips)...where are the paper clips?
a post-it from PW dated 8/15
a pair of scissors on the floor...I should pick it up but where would I put it?
a 2003 box calendar with Westie pictures
a multi-function fax machine
an intercom
a confererence phone...just tried to turn on and nothing happens
54 books that I found on the desk behind me...they are stacked so high they block the entire window..good, I like it dark
about 20 of those boxes that checks come in...I use to store registers, deposit slips, unused checks from my 3 checking accounts
an address book...no, just picked it up...it is a Commemorative Quarter Album...the 3 quarters in the paperclip holder are all too old for the folder
My Do Now, Please Read and Please review slots are over 12 inches high with stuff
On the side of me, is a stack of papers about 5 inches high (the papers look like an assortment which grew one paper at a time (nothing looks related)
I see my library listing on the floor...I picked it up and under it found a note where I copied an error notice from the Book Library software
I threw the error notice away since I alreade emailed the software company for help...did not throw away, I recycled since the back side still can be used for more sciblings
...oop's..have to leave in 8 minutes
Just turned my chair around and see about 15 books on the floor
there are 7 more books that I borrowed yesterday in my plastic carry-all
there is an empty software box under the other table. How did that get there? I looked at the box yesterday! I wouldn't just throw it on the floor...maybe I knocked it down
there are a lot of things at the far end of my desk but I can't clearly see them because I am wearing my reading glasses
another checkbook...this is the missing book of checks that I was looking for

gotta run!

Dick was sleeping, so decided to pass the movie. I took Max out for a little walk, went next door to see if they wanted to borrow chairs and a table for their graduation party and spend some time chatting with PG

I can see the mising checkbook, but now I cannot find the other checkbook that I saw when I first started this listing...what a hassle
just turned my chair to the left and see another 10 books on the side cabinet
there is a crossword puzzle magazine on the side shelf
whole bunch of paper on the left side shelves
there is an open phone book (I can't get it back into the phonebook box because there is a stack of stuff in front of where it should go)
my password folder is lying there (about 3 inches thick)
I can't put the password folder back on the cabinets because the area now filled with more software boxes (5+), DVD boxes, and other assorted supplies
I have decided to not look behind me because that would be pointless!

If I upgraded to the pro, I could take some digital shots and insert them here. Maybe, I'll take the shots anyway and insert them after I upgrade this account

Anyway, the point of this post was for me to look at my statement that I had no emotional attachment to the stuff! This still feels true. I do want to use the software and read the books. I am ambivalent about reading the mail, though. I think I started to backlog when I realized the PW was simply not working out. She is not capable of working with a lunatic like me. She cannot keep pace or use her intiative. She wants pretty detailed instructions regarding what to do each time she comes top work. This is not a workable solution for me. I do not want to have to tell PW how to do her job, I just want her to do it. She has been working here for over a year. I think she is not comfortable with the intensive and variety of computer work that I want to do.

Somehow, if I get the office in order, then PW will be able to function again and I may have to keep her.

My god...is this what's going on? I stopped handling things so that the job only got tougher for her? What sabotage. On Monday, I am going to ask her how her job search is going along. Maybe, we should agree to part company begining January. Her hours are significantly cut back. Just 8 hours a week. She has stated that the pressure here is getting to be too much for her to handle. On my part, my actions (or inactions) feel very covert and under-handed. I guess I am still avoiding any confrontation...no matter what other changes might happen to my personality.

Will go take some shots and organize something before I come back here to post!

What has been going on since 12/14?

I have not been blogging here for about a week. I have made little notes and adjustments to my other 3 Blogs, but nothing of substance. The family party on the 14th was a success. Everyone seemed to have a good time. There was no Prie Rib left over! This is first!

A lot more has been going on. D encourages me to continue this process, She believes that there is a lot of benefit to be gained via this venue. I wonder why she has not started her own Blog. I shall have to ask her about that. My thoughts are racing along. As usual, there are so many ideas I am following up in my mind. I should try to list them here so that I don't lose them:

The missing 92 Nuclear Bombs at Sea
So far, all I have found is a detailed posting on the usenet of more dates and details. I mailed the article to myself and will continue to research for more solid facts and try to verify what details I have.

The FDA's citations against the ARC regarding the safety violations on their collection and dissemination of Blood products
Have written a email to the ARC author who wrote a sappy news release on the ARC website. I thought the article talked around the problem and was very misleading. However, want a reply because my facts are skimpy

Using Hormone Replacement Therapy for men to enable them to recapture their energies
Sent the NY Times article to D and myself with the hope that we will discuss in more depth. I talked to Dick about the article and he agrees with me that the treatments seem dangerous. Will this be the man's version of a fen-fen disaster in 5 years? There have not really been any extended testing of the long-term effects of using hormones to recapture a more youthful energy level.

Family genetic testing - possibilities
Need to follow-up on the PBS 3-part special on family genetics (Our Genes/Our Choices). It will show nationally on PBS during January. Our local station does nothave it on its listing. I want to call them to find out why.

PowerLock Anti-theft for the Car I saw this on the web last night (at the DidYouKnow website) and asked them to mail me a hard copy brochure. The cost is around $250 to $300 with another $100 for installation. The family uses nine cars (four households). Perhaps, with that volume, we could negotiate a discount (gg).

Send for more information of the enlarger for people with macular degeneration - have to find the copy of the ad I made on Monday..this is the cost of clutter. Can't find anything.

My MBTI test score changes from ENTJ to INTP (is this possible?)
My Enneagram point change from a Nine to a One (this doesn't seem possible)
My astrology thrust from Capricorn to Aires

Oh-Oh...this is wierd...

These last three are causing me some consternation. I keep joking with D and saying that I am a "walk-on" and not the being I used to be. Is there more substance to this joke? I did (sort of) mean it...more from the POV of my change in reading style and preferences. I have always been a reader. However, I have NEVER enjoyed the non-fiction genre. I found those books boring, tedious, and there were just too few pictures to engage my mind! With Sci-Fi or Mysteries, I did not need pictures. The words transported me to a different place. Wait! That is another change...my reading no longer transports me anywhere but I remain in my head, visualizing and rolling with the images. Each day, I become aware of more areas that I want to learn about. My new hero is Isaac Asimov! I can't believe that I just borrowed his Autobiography. This is another FIRST! I don't remember ever reading an autobio. Read a few biographies, though. But, I am digressing.

In addition, at eMode, took a number of tests in 2000. Starting to retake them...surprise, surprise, surprise...my results are changing. While taking the test, I am sure that I am answering exactly the same as before...however, the scoring says otherwise. I want to retake the Dog test just too see if the test changed. Until this moment, I was sure that test would not change. I mean, two years ago, I took the test 3 or 4 times because I did not want to be a German Shepard! I thought a GS sounded just too boring. I finally accepted the result. The other day, I did take the test of What Kind of Dog are you at Work. I turned out to be a Lab (which is very close to GS in

I may do some dreamwork on these questions. Would like a little more certainty about life purposes and paths instead of just following my nose everywhere! If I don't start directing my energies, I could look up, be 65 and not any closer to my goals (whatever they are).

B just called me and we talked about the two cars he bought for the family. He and I went 50-50 on a Matrix and he also bought a Suzuki . He thought that J and I would use the Matrix and Rob would use the Suzuki. As it is turning out, J and R like the Suzuki better and feel the Matrix is too small. Hmmm, you would think the price was right! I am not sure where B is going with this, but he suggested that I take the Matrix home and try it. He feels that I might end up really liking the car (smaller, easier to park, etc.). Then, he thought that my Lexus could become the family's 3rd car for emergencies. I don't feel enthused for this idea. I like my Lexus and am not sure I want to see it filled with all the kids! Am I being selfish? I told B that I would bring the car home and try it out. Dick can drop me off at J's house today after the movie and I'll drive it home.

Something is happening here. I am feeling "heavier" and it is like a tiny burden just sat on my chest. As I look inside, did a "transfer" happen during the cell call? There was a lot of static and it was hard to hear clearly. Is this my reaction to "guilt"? Intellectually, I know that I am in charge here. Just re-read the last paragraph and there was a definite charge when J mentioned. Wow...need to reflect here. Will close for now.

Hiya!
Promised myself I'd do only 1 BLOG per christmas party. ;-) I couldn't resist telling you that allllloooooooohaaaa is not a word. (gggggg) That's probably why it took you "a few seconds to figure out"
Well, I watched the 20 hour maxi series of "Taken".....after all that time there really wasn't too much of a pay off at the end. The young actress who played the principal role did such a great job tho.

Sorry to hear that you were feeling ill at the restaurant. Where did you go? Maybe it was all the excitement of throwing the "Party" and pancakes and feeling rushed. Take a deep breath. TTYRS....have a great day!!!!

HI!
Sounds like a word to me! (gg)! You did mean, aloha, right? I am confused. I am about to leave to go pick up the veggie platter, the sashimi and the rice. You know, since yesterday, I have been having a hard time typing accurately. My fingers just seem to get stuck and cannot hit the right keys. Maybe, this is a hangover from Friday the 13th. I got to talk to my cousin's wife. She had not started the ham. So, she is going to save it for another time. Instead, she will bring Crispy gau gee noodles. Sounds good to me.

Before I forget, I need to look up a word...canoodle or was it canoodleling. I saw the word twice in the NY Times and did not hve a clue what it meant. Now that I am looking at the word, I think I have it wrong. Shucks, I should have written it down. I am sure I will see it again, though.

YEA!! Got all the Software Unlocked!

This software is becoming a major drag on my time. I may have to get a student to do the updating. Or, I guess I coul ddo 10 a day; it will take about 40 to 50 days. That does not sound too bad. I am tired. Have not done any cleaning up for the party.

Hi Blogger Girl ! (VBG)
Just wanted to check in and also to wish you a really awesome Christmas dinner with family. I know everything will work out just like falling off a log!!! If I was not such a "hermit", I could see how having a BIG party with family you see maybe once a year or even less, and talk about stuff that does not mean anything to anybody except it keeps you in the "safe" zone of conversation. Hmmmmmm, am I being the GRINCH who stole the Chirstmas party..? I shall go "Dobby" like and slap myself. (VVVBG)...allllloooooooohaaaa!!
D.
P.S. I'm just a trouble maker........but no editing allowed. There I've said it category exists.......

Hi D!
Just came on to check on things and saw your message. I took a little nap and am feeling pretty groggy! I have to go check the movie section to see if there is anything which will fit for the day!

The software company reprocessed my order after I cancelled it. Oh well, I guess I still want the software. However, I will not buy anything from a company that uses RegSoft to process their orders. What an experience. They did everything possible to de-rail the sales transaction. I should write this up as a case history for what not to do online when trying to make sales (gg). BTW, took me a few seconds to figure out what allllloooooooohaaaa meant...duh!

I just noticed...Friday the 13th! Have not noticed anything out of the ordinary, except for getting sick at the restaurant this morning.

I decided to cancel the purchase of all 4 Library shareware. I am not sure what the procedures are for cancelling the original buy since that went through without a hitch. I cannot believe the hassle I have had to go through. In addition, no one has replied to the 15+ emails I have sent RegSoft. This has been a very discouraging experience. I made a number of decisions based on buying the software. I have also put in a lot of hours getting ready for the release codes. What a totla waste of time!

Just checked my email and have not received any response from RegSoft or the owner of the shareware company, Wensoftware. Hmmm, this is getting to be quite irritating.

Today, I ordered (or actually, PW called for me) the sashimi platter from Tamashiro Market. I also think I I'll ask Dick to roast a Prime Rib since I did not call the caterer. Maybe, D and I can stop at Costco on the way here to pick up the prime rib. Today will be a busy day: go to doctor, meet D, go to lunch, maybe go to costco, sing karaoke, go to dinner, take D to car, and other computer activities. Somewhere, I have to clean up my office. This is the good thing about parties...have to clean up for them. It is sort of like moving...you have to clear out all the old messes or throw them away!

Gotta run. Toodles, for now!

I need to get the TV set up for tomorrow's Karaoke session. PG moved the box into the Karaoke room so all I have to do is to open the box, move the old TV and setup the new TV. Typing this blog seems so much more appealing. I had better get off my duff and JUST DO IT! Matbe, I should go feed everyone first. Yikes! 7:52 PM...what happened to the time? When I sat down tonight, I think it was around 5:30. Where did I lose 2 hours? Why can't I lose weight like I lose time? hahahahahaha

Okay...will go feed the guys and then do the TV and then come back!

Well, it is about 6 hours later. Fed the animals, setup the new TV for Karaoke tomorrow, did two loads of wash, walked Max 4 times, washed my hair, watched most of Toy Soldiers, Loose Cannons, and finally Joy Luck Club. I rarely watch TV, but tonight I really went overboard. I guess I was feeling guilty about leaving Max alone while messing around with the computer. It is around 2 am and I need some sleep. Have a 10 am doctor appointment tomorrow.

I got this email reply from the owner of the shareware company. Wow, am I miffed. I wrote the regsoft.com twice (6 emails - one for each purchase). So far, I have not heard from the company or the shareware company. I don't think I have ever been this patient on any other purchase! I feel like cancelling the orders. What a bummer.

Your order did not go through the computer fraud check at RegSoft.
I know it's an error but it happens sometimes. I've already contacted
them and asked them to process the orders.

You might want to contact them also. The email address is
sales@regsoft.com. You should have the tracking id's.

I am very sorry about the inconvenience.

I am still waiting for the codes to unlock the three shareware programs I bought yesterday. I just sent three emails off to request the information. I suspect that the company must not make very many sales. Last night I did locate a software organizer. I downloaded it, but forgot about it until I read this blog. I am going to go look at it now.

A few minutes later...I did look at it last night. Did not like the program. I just uninstalled it. I'll keep looking. Gotta run!

Skipped lunch but finally went to dinner at Big City Diner. Had the fried rice and it was okay. When Dick gets home, want to go to some good restaurants. Did not realize what an impact his travels would have on me. He has become so much better company...except he is pretty critical of my driving. Wonder of that has anything to do with hearing better?

Today has been an uneventful day. Basically, created and added more to my book databases (personal and library). PG helped by copying the ISBNs off the books in the guest room. She completed three of the nine shelves. I am shocked at how many unread books are there. So far, added about 250 nonfiction books to my personal library list. Wonder how many there will be when she finishes. Many of these books have not been read. Used to buy books with the expectation of reading them somewhere down the road.

Well, the somewhere road has arrived. Want get these books read! If I don't read them, then either sell or dispose of the books. The space is needed by other books. The straight reference books are not necessary to read completely. Still have to read the 40 library books downstairs ( trying to read a book a day). But, every visit to the library brings an additional few that were irresistable. There are still the 30 books waiting for me to activate the holds. In addition, there are about 10 waiting to be picked up. Trying to pickup the books on the last possible date to ease some of the reading pressure. I should have jumped on the reading band wagon in slow motion. Well, in a couple of months, the pressure will ease significantly.

Tonight I ordered 6 more books from Barnes & Noble online store! This is getting to be ridiculous. Books and software are the two things I love to buy. I wonder why. I do love reading books and checking out new software. I wonder if there is any business to be created within those two activities. How about book reviews on computer? No, I know, a more in-depth review than provided by Cliffnotes. Cliffnotes is academic. I do not tend to read textbooks, but rather "How To's" for a business person. Would there be a demand for a "cliffnote equivalent" for the business executive? This might dovetail with my pamphlet idea.

Need to start taking better notes. The book database allows for a lot of notes and chapter information. I should complete my review before returning the books. What should I do about thre books I already returned? I guess I need to re-borrow to get the chapter info and to summary my review. I forgot to mention that I purchased both of the book database software (Book Collector and Book Library). Each software had good parts. Book Collector has a fabulous input system. Book Library allow for much better outside reviews, etc.

I have started to read the books on securing Grants. Do not like the books, so far. Traveling the Grant road no longer appeals to me. However, I will continue to read the 6 to 8 library books. You never know what information might be useful. One of the Grant books pissed me off from the Intro on! Unusual reaction for me. I suspect the author and I would not get along...oil & water..no more like, a flame and gasolene. The authors seem to have an attitude about securing funds that repels me. There is no right or wrong about this...just differences. However, it does demonstrate that the grant road would definitely be an uphill climb for me.

I am going to look for a Software database program (like Collector or Library). This would force ne to realy deal with all the software that I bought. I am going to do that right now. Toodles!

Still waiting for the codes to unlock the software. Oop's...somehow, I lost another hour. I am fooling around with my book database and it just takes more time than I think it should. In addition, I did take a look at the software offerings at the UH Bookstore. I am interested in InDesign by Adobe. But, I think I should try to make either Publisher or PageMaker work instead of buying new software.

4:41 PM and still waiting for the codes to unlock the software. Guess he went home for the day.

11:53 and still no code from the shareware company. Good thing I am not holding my breath!

Well, I am still waiting for the registration codes to unlock the software. I received one so far (need three more). I shall not order from this company again. They replied to my suggestion that they allow people to order everything at once by saying "thank you very much, but there is no way to determine in advance what combo of software people would want to buy". The guy needs to step outside of his box for just an instant. Oh well, luckily, this is not my company! I have wasted an inordinant amount of time trying to spend some money with his company. Oh well, the money is spent, I guess I just have to wait. Great, now I can't get back into hotmail. Gee, when it rains it pours!

Tonight, I plan to call people to find out what they are bringing to the party. I think I am running behind. Is it too late to order some sashimi?

I have to remember to call Dick at 3 PM. I also have to get some lunch. Hmmm, 2 PM...I did not focus on the time. Guess I had better go out.

Last night I ordered the Book and CD Collector. Today, I am trying to order the Music, Movie, Picture, and Book Libraries. However, the software vendor has such a convoluted process that I am almost about to give up. I just sent the company an email suggesting that they simplify their ordering process. The problem is that they offer a 20% discount on the rest of their software if you buy one at full price. After an exchange of 4 emails, their system finally allowed me to buy one at full price. Now, I am waiting for an email with a special code which will allow me to buy the other 3 software at a 20% savings. This is really quite a lengthy process that I am sure most impatient consumers would not want to put up with.

I got a late start today. For some reason, I overslept. I did wake at 7 and walked Max. Then went back to sleep. When I awoke, I found a magazine shredded on the floor. I have no idea where Max found it (it was a 2/02 issue). I scolded Max quite effectively, I thought. I stood there for a few minutes just asking Max "What did you do?" in a sorrowful tone. I did this about 10 times. Max looked quite guity. I am clueless if he will alter his behavior, though.

I just went to check my email to see if the company replied with the code. Nope. Just went back and there is was. Have to finish this order.

To finish Sunday's activities

I did go and buy the TV from CompUSA. PG helped me carry it into the house. The box was quite large and heavy. It is currently sitting right inside the front door. I cringe when I think of having to take it out of the box, removing the old TV and setting this one up. Seems like a lot of work! Well, I will try to get this done by tomorrow. I will ask PG to help me out.

D & M came by to meet Max. We also checked out the open house that I saw last Sunday. It is still a great house, but the closets are way too small to function properly. Not only is there not enough room for the clothes, but shoes have not place in the closets! I am not sure what the designer was thinking...maybe that anything would sell. People are getting pickier and more discriminating. We went to dinner at Asia Manoa (I cannot remember the name) and had a good Chinese dinner. M thought it would be a Chinese with an Italian influence. I did not see the Italian influence, though. She said that her sister highly recommended it. (g).

We had a chance to talk. I was a little hyper and got a little carried away talking about stuff. I once asked Dr Frank if he thought I was a manic depressive. I got an "absolutely not"! I don't really know what is a manic depressive personality. It is just sometimes I feel really up and other times, a bit draggy. Well, that may be the answer...I am never in the pits of despair and my really "up" is probably not even closes to the exhilaration a manic might feel.

Later that evening, I decided to finish checking out the other two shareware programs. Big disappointment. The MP3 Collector was too clunky and awkward to be very useful. I also did not care for the Movie Collector. Somewhere in this process I came across another shareware company selling very similar products (Library Series). I downloaded five programs to check out (Book, Music, Photo, Music and Movie Libraries). I decided to get two from the collector series and three from the library series. Will order them tonight. I got the Photo Library and scanned the A Computer and located about 800 MB of duplicate photos! Took me hours, but I finally deleted all the duplicates. When I looked at the clock, it was 3:45 am! Oh-oh...I did have the time to start the defrag process, though. I am not looking forward to scanning the B Computer for duplicate photos. Sheesh, then I have to compare the A, B and C computers for duplicates!

Where does the time go? Max did not bark once during this time. I got to sleep around 4:30 and got up today at 8:30.

Monday Starts here...

I went to the acupuncturist and all of the needles went in from the neck up! Gosh, there must have been 6 or so on my head! Ouch! I fell asleep and dreamed fleetingly. When I was done, Fred was waiting downstairs and we went to On Jin's for lunch. The food was on the sweet side and the portions were small. But for the price, the food was a bargain. However, I am rarely looking for bargains whem it comes to food..I want bulk (ggg)! Fred apparently felt realy stuffed. I felt like we had just had a tiny appetizer. I decided to experience what it is like to eat moderately. As I type this, I am hungry. I do not want to take the time to go out for dinner. Should I pass? I can eat tomorrow. I don't know what I'll do.

I talked to Dick around 3:15. He is having a good time. He went and had a steak dinner (16 oz NY steak, with an order of sauteed mushrooms and an order of creamed spinach! He was sure he was going to waste a lot of it. But, he ate all of it. This may be a record. I don't think I've ever seen him eat so much. This is such a major turn around for him. He's scouting out places that he wants us to go on the next trip. I am sure Max will be okay once he is grown-up!

On the 14th, Max will be 8 months old. I forgot to ask the vet if there will be a personality change. Will I notice that he is grown-up? Will he be like a new dog? I cannot remember what happens when a kitty becomes a cat. I can hardly wait for our puppy to become a dog (gg)! I wonder if I will miss the 'good old days'?

Looks like the head count for the Christmas party is dropping. My cousin is having his company christmas party on the same night. That removes 6 adults and a couple of kids from the headcount. In addition, two of my cousins are out of town...another 4 from the headcount. Gee, maybe the party will not be as stressful as I thought. We are going to start later (6 pm vs 4 pm) because it looks like no one wants to swim (too cold). However, that does mean everyone will be in the house (verses by the pool). However, I think I can deal with that. I have the piano and the electric key board for people to play with. I will have the Karaoke setup in two places. Then, Jen and Jac have some games lined up for the kids. I guess it will turn out okay!

Spent the rest of the night playing with the database softwares and catching up on my news reading.

Sunday AM

Tugger and Max are fed and Max went for two walks. He barked enthusiatically at the marathon runners. It takes so little to entertain the little guy. I hope this lightheartedness continues. I left him downstairs with the Josh Groban CD playing and the intercom on. He has not barked. I wonder if he is a classical music lover? I plan to try different music while Dick is away. Tugger seems to be a Rock and Roll music lover. When I am playing music from the 60's, he comes near to take a nap. I read something in a newspaper that dogs calm down while listening to classical music.

I have to go and label the different posts. Done. Labeling helps me to keep the days separated into their major components. I guess with all the upsets of the past couple of days, labels just did not occur to me.

Today, I plan to go to CompUSA to buy a TV. I misunderstood what Brian said about the $100 TV. It was at CompUSA, not Costco. When I went to Costco, there was not anythng close to a $100 TV. Scott told me about the CompUSA $99 TV. I was going to get one last night after dropping Dick off at the airport. I forgot.

The Collector shareware company replied to my email. The guy replied with the same solution that I used for the Book and Music CD collections. I will input some videos in the Movie Collector and some MP3's in the other software. If they work as well as the first two, I am well on my way to creating the databases that I need. What a find these two were. I think I found them from the Lockergnome site. Somehow, got out of the habit of visiting that site. When I as deleted groups from the Tropica site, I came across the name and checked them out. Good thing!

NOTE: When you reread this section, see if you can tell that my mind is scattered and a little confused. Done - made some changes

Lots of Activity to Serve as Distractions

I am checking out 4 shareware demos that I downloaded...Book collector, CD collector, MP3 collector, and Movie collector, So far, I like the software but do not like having to rekey all the names. It seems surprising that the software will not import data already keyed into a spreadsheet. I think I will email the authors to see if there is any easier way to get the info in. My movie spreadsheet already has 900+ titles. My CD listing only has about 200 listed. But still, re-keying seems like a lot of wasted effort. The book list is okay because not much has been done, so far. I will draft the email right now! My karaoke song list has about 4500 songs.

I sent the email. However, I have been working in greater depth with 2 of the software and I am impressed. The instructions on the Book Collector indicates that I have to type in each book name. However, I discovered that all I have to do is to list the IBSN (in fact I can list multiple ISBNs) then click on one button. The software will automatically search Library of Congress and Amazon for book information and download a picture of the cover. Wow, that is incredible. On Thursday, D and I typed in a bunch of books and the related information. It took us over 30 minutes. I redid that work in less than 60 seconds. There was another stack of books which also took less than 60 seconds to input. I am definitely buying these two programs. I still have to check out the Movie Collector and the MP3 Collector. I am looking forward to the seeing how these programs work. I thought that the retyping would be tedious, but actually I end up with more information and virtually no typing (other than the ISBN for books and putting the CD in the player for the CD info). I am not sure the Karaoke collection would fit under any of the software. I will have to just leave it in it's current format.

I took Dick to the dinner and then the airport. He said that a part of him regrets taking this trip. Me too! I do think he will have fun, though. Also, when he comes back, I think he will appreciate home even more than before.

Finishing up Friday

Yesterday, we went to see the movie, Solaris. I enjoyed the movie a lot. The kids did not like it because they could not follow the convoluted story line. There were many flash backs which the kids could not understand or track. They were unclear what episodes were from the past verses in the present. After the movie, I tried to explain the ideas the show attempted to convey. It is hard for kids (ages 9, 12, and 13) to really get the concept of second chances and what a bittersweet experience is like. There was some rear nudity which all three had trouble coping with. Of course, the brief nudity scenes were nothing like the scenes from Fast Runner! I dropped Jim off for his band concert.

The girls and I went to Costco to buy some of the things for the Christmas party (scheduled for next Saturday). The girls are really excited with the idea that they might be babysitting the smaller kids. They are coming up with games, activites and prizes for the smaller kids. They are disappointed because I do not know who, their ages, and more specifics about the kids that will be there. Grant just told PW that there would be about 20 kids and 20 adults.Will call Grant to get more information.

Starting on Saturday

Dick is packing for his trip. Actually, he is putting his clothes on the side of the suitcase and I will put them in the suitcase. He is not much of a packer. Neither am I, but at least I can fit everything in without excessive wrinkling, etc. I think he is really looking forward to being away. Max and I will miss him. But, I know he needs to travel or he slumps into a depression.

6:11 PM - I sent the email to the shareware company and am waiting for a reply. Scott came around 3:15 and left around 6:00. He fixed the network problem. I caused the problem by setting up the network using the hub configuration. I should have used the first option. I have to go check Brian's network to see if I did the same thing there. I suspect that I did. The hard thing to understand is that the other network is workign fine.

Dick and I are leaving in 30 minutes for dinner and then on to the airport. On the way there, we plan to stop at IHS to drop off 10 BBQue chicken tickets that I bought from Aina Haina PTA fundraiser. The pickup is Sunday. I normally give IHS much more notice than this. I shall try to be more organized with future tickets.

I am examining my feelings at this moment. Am feeling a little disconnected and blue. I am not sure why this is the case. Does this happen more often than I realized? I suspect not because I don't think there are any other references to blue feelings in this blog (prior to yesterday). What is not being handled? I should run a chart to see if there is something being overlooked.

A Day of Upsets and Worries

Yesterday was a total bust. By the time I went to lunch I was so depressed and unable to function. My first try at a newsletter bombed. I could not get anything to fit and the papes looked like a total mess. Copied enough stuff from these blogs to create about 12 or so articles. Never got beyond trying to fit 2 of those articles. I was unaware of feeling much more than frustration when I went to lunch. But, I did get a surprising reply to an article that I had forwarded to D. Apparently, she she did not see any humor in what I sent. That caused me to feel bad, but I still figured "humor" is such an individual thing and thought that I would reply later when she had a chance to calm down.

On my way to lunch, I talked to J about the kids. Jen is convinced her mom was sending her to Sacred Hearts and Jerry has his heart set on Iolani. I was concerned about the financial part of their plans and the crushing disappointment I could see looming in the near future. I asked J if she was aware that the Jen is discussing Sacred Hearts as though it were a done deal. J felt that Jen did not truly believe that she has J's agreement that she is going to Sacred Heart. Huh? Was I not speaking English? Sacred Hearts is all that Jen has been talking about for the past 2 weeks! Judy took her to an open house at the school where Jen saw her best friend there. J told me that after the other girl's parents saw Jen, that clinched it for them. They said "if Jenny is going here we will send their daughter". Apparently, J did not do anything to clarify the situation. She is still unconcerned and feels that Jen will understand that there are no funds to pay for Sacred Hearts. J did feel that the school would be good for Jen because is it an all girls' school. She felt the tuition was not that high, about $5K per year.Jen will ne going into the 5th grade. Jen has asked J to help her ask the grandma for the money, this Saturday. This does not feel like a good choice. Her grandma has not (in the past) appeared willing to help with Jen's or Jerrys' education expenses. The grandma complained to J's siblings when she paid a monthly tuition of $70 for some extra tutoring for Jim. I told J that with the continuing stock market losses, I would not be able to commit the funds to pay for this amount of annual tuition. J said that she was not looking for me to pay the tuition. J feels that Jen will get over it if she cannot get into the school. Why would she set it up like this. Is she that out of touch with reality? Or am I just over-reacting?

J does not believe that Jerry will get accept to Iolani because of the stiff competition and there has never been any family members attending Iolani. So, again, she is not concerned about Jerry's desire to attend Iolani. If by some miracle he does get in, J thought she would talk to the owner of the restaurant that she always goes to. She thought that there might be a chance of financial help there. What about the rest of the financial requirements? She does not plan to think about these problems unless Jerry gets in. Again, to me, something is wrong with this picture. Jerry is also talking as though the school were a done deal. He is a little more hesitant because he has not been accepted, but seems to believe that he will be. Is this just a difference in personalities (between J and me?). Is it okay to let the kids dream of attending specific schools when there is no money to pay the tuition? Why would Jen talk with so much certainty? Is it Jen that is refusing to look at facts that do not agree with her vision (as J seems to imply). I feel so inadequate here. I know that when I realized that I would be unable to commit the funds to support the kids in their choice of schools, I felt really bad. This felt like a big personal failure on my part. Is this the foundation of yesterday's depression?

Is the fact that I do not feel able to commit this amount of annual funds make me a failure in my own eyes? What is happening here? Is what happened yesterday causing things under the surface to burst open? I don't know. I know I would like to have the kids (all of them ) attend better schools. I do not feel that this is something I have to do. It is something that would give me pleasure if I could do. Is this one of the reasons I am starting to think about creating a real business. What will happen if I fail? What if my plans are just based on a pipe dream that I have gotten well enough to function in the business world. I know that stress does cause my brain to shut down. However, that does happen to everyone. But, perhaps, the inability to open my mail may be a more serious indication of my disability. I feel so confused. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I know that I will probably not stay with these thoughts for long. Wait a minute... yesterday I was unable to function. I did not blog or go back to working on the newsletter when I got home. I had the kids until 10:45 pm and did go to sleep early (about 1 am). I did function, but had a "heavy" heart all day.

I still have this "heavy" heart. So actually, this depression (or whatever this is) has stayed with me for longer than I would have thought. It is possible that this has always been true, but because I am not documenting time, I forget the duration after it is over. Oh well, I have to go to lunch with Dick. Then, prepare for Scott's arrival this afternoon. I think I'll just stick with the having him help me with the easy hardware problems (fix the network and install the new peripherals). Maybe, we will even have time to get to the Switch and the Pen Scanner.

I am looking forward to blogging more today. I wonder what my emotional state will be?

Later...

Just got back from lunch. I talked to Dick about my upsets. I actually started to cry. Once that passed, I becgan to feel lighter about the situation. Dick is willing to help the kids out. However, he is willing to be a part of the financial solution, not the solution. I agree with him on this. Can only take this one day at a time...

Talked to Scott and he planned to be here around 3 PM. I thought it would be closer to 2, but 3 works ok too.

I just re-read this post. I do not feel depressed. Neither do I feel up or enthused about anything. What I do feel is hopeful that life works and all I need to do is to keep breathing and moving in what feels like a forward direction. On that note, wil close this post and move on to other items.

I started this morning with the fact that I missed yesterday's blog post. It is now Friday. Hmm, that means I missed Thursday's blog post. Oh-oh! Let me go back and add some more to the last post. I want to keep to accurately reflecting the passage of time.

Much Later: Well, it is 2:28 AM and I still want to go finish my book.I have been writing here for 3 hours. I did take Max out for a potty break about 2 hours ago. I did not have a chance to read a single word today! I will try to squeeze about 30 minutes of reading in. I am passing on writing anymore tonight. How come I need so much sleep! I am not working out. Gee, 2:30 and I can feel myself getting sleepy! Why am I getting so tired. Gosh, I used to read till 4 or 4:30 every morning. Now, I want to sleep around 2 am!

It is now 9 am. Max has been walked and everyone is fed. I just checked my email (nothing but spam) and re-read the posting from yesterday. Just remembered that I was supposed to make a committment per day in this blog. Hmmm. That does not seem to produce the results I thought it would. It still feels like I am productive so, fo rnow, I'll leave it alone. I need to copy the text from the 4 blogs so that I can fit them in my newsletter. Will report later.

The 1st Part of This Post Refers to Wednesday Happenings

I did not post at all yesterday. Now why is that? I posted to the book, writing and project blogs. I must have not had much to say. Have to be on guard against this attitude. Otherwise, I may lose the thread and benefit of blogging. Yesterday was Wednesday. I went to lunch, continued to read The Writer's Guide to Conquering the Magazine Market , picked up the mail (there were eight books there), took Max for his 2nd grooming (got some neat digital shots of the before), went to my singing lesson (If I Loved You, You'll Never Walk Alone, Castle on a Cloud, Empty Rooms and Empty Tables, Another Suitcase in the Hall).

We also talked about Josh Groban and whether or not he is a baritone or tenor. Fred feels he is a tenor, but feels it is only a label and does not reflect the wonderful qualities of his voice. I agree. I do not remember when I heard him. Was last night the PBS fund raising repeat? Can't remember. Dick was very taken with the voice. This is the first time Dick ever heard him. I put my name on the list to borrow his CD and DVD from the library. I listened to My Prayer and thought it was better than Andrea Bocelli's version.

When I telneted to the library, the system was shut down. I called the main number and talked to a lady in the Information. She said that during the Thanksgiving holiday, a hacker breeched the system. They shut down while trying to determine how much damage and how to shut the security holes. I wrote an email to V Viotti at the HonAd to see if they might be interested in writing an article about what "regular" citizens might do to help combat these problems. I am not sure there is anything to be done...I was just mad!

When I listened to Josh Groban I was moved to tears listening to his singing of the theme song from AI: Artificial Intelligence. The warmth is his voice contrasted so emotionally with the little robot's desire for any kind of love. More than poignant...more than (go look a word in your new thesaurus). I will do that tonight. Right now, I have to go to my doctor appointment.

Abby, Fred's student, called me yesterday. I had asked Fred to give her my message about possibly working for me. I am not sure what her skills are, that is why I wanted to talk with her. If she does not have computer skills then this will probably not work. Based on the last message, we will talk tonight. However, Brian did ask me to come by his house and reinstall Excel. The timing is not the best in the world. Oh well.

Went to dinner at Ciao Mein and had a pretty good meal. At least, the beginning was good. However, the food quickly became cold and tasted a little pasty. But sure why that happened. The $20 off coupon definitely allowed us to feel more charitable toward the food, though. I suspect we will not be regulars at this eatery.

Went to Liliha to help Brian with his computers around 8:30 PM and quickly setup the new network. Had trouble getting the 4100 to access the Canon Multipass installed on the 8100. But, the 4100 can successfully print on the Brother printer. Brian gave me another two-shelf stand. I am trying to see if I can fit it somewhere in my office. If I can, this will solve the problem of where to put my new photo printer and scanner.

Had another dream about writing magazine articles (or was it just vivid daydreams?) I feel like I am moving more rapidly toward this possibility. But, at times, I feel the ambivalence return and with it the doubts.

The repair man was able to get the oven door unlocked and open. He had to order a new latch. I got irritated by his answer to PG. He stated that she did not break the door. He said that the oven door was old (8 years old) and the latch was just wore out and bent out of shape cause of its oldness. First of all, I do not feel it was his place to tell PG that. And, second, if it was so weak, how come he was unable to bend it back! I am really pissed about this. Obviously, PG was too rough when she either locked or tried to unlock the oven door while using the self-cleaning mechanism. When the repairman told her that she did not break the door, she felt totally absolved. I have no problem paying to fix the door, but I dislike her feeling uninvolved with creating the problem. She needs to think about the number of things that she has broken since she started here. Oh well...what a grump I am tonight! Until I started to type this, I did not realize how irritated I was.

I need to get Jeff here to fix the broken screen door (top latch). I told Dick last night that this house is falling apart! It is 43 years old. This does not seem old to me. I wonder if it just my naivete..is the house too old? I should start to asking what constitutes an old house.

Got the Easy CD Creator 5 Platinum working on B. YEA!! I should have set it up on A too, but did not want to stop what I was doing. I shall do it soon.

The Rest of This Post Refers to Thursday Happenings

I went for my Thursday rehab with Dr. Frank and had an interesting talk about the possibilities of my increasing theta wave production. I described the little I read in the Double your Brain Power book. Dr. Frank thought that theta waves are definitely involved when learning. But, no ones knows what brain waves are involved in the actual retrieval of information. Theta waves are involved in the storage and classification of new information when learning. Data is stored all over the brain via theta waves...even in the areas of the brain where theta is not produced. Then, after the information is stored, the ability to retrieve is critical in completing the learning process.

Dr. Frank suspects that some of the damage I suffered is in this retrieval process. He believes that I have learned the information, but do not have the "keys" to locate the info on demand. Because of that, he is suggesting that I start actually using the information in a concrete way. He feels that I need to use multiple sense modalities to lock the "addresses" in. This makes sense. I have been reading about creating newsletters. Now, instead of first creating one in my mind, I should just do one in real life. I am excited because I have been waiting for my "inspiration" to hit me for content. While hooked up to the computer during rehab, it hit me...content, I'll just use the blog contents as articles in my trial newsletter. I am excited about this. Have not done anything yet. Anyway, more on the day...

I met D and we went to the Food Court for lunch. It was so crowded and noisy that we came out of the place a little shell-shocked. We were unprepared for the Christmas shopping crowds! It did not help that the Marathon is this Sunday and huge crowds have flown in for the run. I am so glad that people are continuing with all their normal activities. Last year there was such a pall over the holiday season. No one felt festive or wanted to celebrate.

After lunch we went to the ITEC sessions at the convention center. I was impressed with the High Tech sign-in procedures. Everything worked and we got in easily and started visiting booths. There were a lot of educational booths and I got many handouts. I could have spent all day there. We stayed for about 1 1/2 hours. Toward the end, it got to be hard for D (standing up, etc.). I do have a lot of stuff that I wanted to follow-up with within the next week or so. I have to sort through the ITEC bag and mark items for follow-up.

We left the convention center around 2 PM. It was fun not getting lost in the parking lot. The prior two times I was there, it was a little nerve wracking to try to get out of the building. This time, I felt like a pro and did not make a single wrong turn! I need to ask D if she notices whether my driving abilities have diminished from before. I meant to do this today, but forgot.

We came here to sing but only got a few songs in before the TV set broke! What did I say about this house falling apart? Now, the insides are breaking too! The TV was bought around 1995. I do not think it is worthwhile to fix it. Dick thinks I should just dump it. He read somewhere that fixing an older TV is just asking for trouble. New stuff just puts more pressure on the older stuff inside the TV. I am not sure that is still valid. That may be information from the pre-transistor days. The really old TVs had more tubes, etc. Oh well, what do I know... I think I want to buy another TV. Brian said that Costco has got TVs for around $100. I think I will go there tomorrow and buy one. I would like Scott to set it up for me on Saturday.

Since we could not sing, D helped me by trying to locate JPO's cs address. She was not able to locate it because it does not appear cs gives out this information. After that, I showed her my nVidia set up (Keyhole photos from space). In addition, I showed her the Ikonos site with their stunning shots from space. I went on about my Amelia Earhart research, too. Then, D started to help me create a list of the books I own that I have to read. After I get the books inputted in the spreadsheet, I shall copy it to my book blog. I still have to go create the listing of books I read the past 3 months.

We went to dinner at Yoshino's in the Kahala SC. It was okay, although the protions were miniscule by my standards! We talked and the time passed very pleasantly. After dropping Dick off, I took D back to Pulelehua and went to Brian's house to reinstall some of his software. Somewhere in the middle this time, I became concerned about the lady who owns the doberman pincher. I have not seen her nor any lights on in her house since the barking incident. I called PG to see if she has seen the lady. Negative. I asked PG if we should go knock on the door tomorrow because I was concerned that something might be wrong.PG said that she would be too afraid of the dog to knock on the door. But, PG said that this lady does have a LOT of friends who check up on her. Oh, what a relief!

I called Abby around 9 PM and we talked for about 30 minutes. It looks like this may not be workable. Abby is a teacher by training and not much of a business oriented person. I could tell that she is not used to thinking in terms of what her skills are worth in a business environment. She started thinking somewhere aound $25 per hour (when I am thinking $8.50 to $10.00 per hour). When I said that was more than $50,000 per year she started to back pedal a bit. However, her headset is one that I have seen in government employees. She doesn't think in terms of being able to support her salary, but more in terms of what she is currently paid for. She only works part time (16 hours a week) and is paid a flat fee for classroom teaching, which includes grading tests,papers and preparation time . Anyway, I am sure I do not want to go there right now. We plan to meet next week to talk some more. But, I remain less than hopeful about this outcome. I plan to feel her out on possible piece-meal editing work. I should ask her to bring a sample of her writing. Yes, definitley, I will do that.